I have 2 SPs, my original SP with whom I am in no contact and my college crush. How do I stop feeling needy and fearing that I might lose both of them?

I have two SPs, but my original SP is the one I truly want. We are currently in no contact, and I realise that I have put him on a pedestal. Sometimes I wonder why he would want me, and when I think about manifesting him, I start worrying about how everything will work out in the future.

At the same time, I have developed a crush on someone in my college because I also want to experience college romance. I have not spoken to him yet, but I have a mutual friend through whom I will probably get to know him.

Recently, I found out that another girl likes my college crush too, and I became very anxious. My thoughts were, “I want him first,” “I want his attention,” and “He should be mine before she gets him.” I realise that I was becoming desperate because I was afraid that if I did not make a move quickly, I would lose him.

I know that my worth should not depend on whether either of them chooses me, but I am being honest about how I feel. Sometimes my mood depends heavily on my SP, and because I feel like there is limited time, I keep wavering and worrying about what will happen if my original SP does not come back and I also do not get to experience college romance.

I want to stop feeling so needy and desperate. I want to understand how to stop putting my original SP on a pedestal, remain confident in my manifestation and enjoy my college life without constantly worrying about losing either person.